Over S

I still got annoyed for S's being close to other girls. It's nothing wrong that I'm being emotionally attached to him. But expecting him not to be a guy fooling around with bunches of girls is hopeless. Part of the reason why he's attractive to me is he always surprises me. He's always funny and fresh. He's gonna fight in some bar in the cities within 2 months. He drives a motorbike. He listens to shock music. He makes fun of people around. He's cool and irresponsible. Accept it or not, it's him. If he's committed and loyal, that's just not him. Since he doesn't take life seriously.
What can I expect? If he changes someday, he's no longer S, the S I like. So just enjoy his accompany and have fun and keep away from him when the nights come.

Nervous about the coming interview

Someone in Mayo clinic is coming to give a speech next week. I scheduled an short 20 mins interview with her next Thursday. This is my first interview, not a formal one, but I'm gonna do it professionally. I also have a list of companies to send my resume out. 'Number games', as Ms. N put it.

Here's my number game plan:
1. update my resume at monster.com once per week;
2. send out at least 7 resumes per week;
3. prepare for common interview questions and do practices.

Just remember next Thursday is also Isaac's birthday. He's coming to Duluth then. And I had a 11:00 Frisbee game on Wednesday night. Oh, snap!

Sports day

Me again. Kind of changing this blog to my own one. Ms N and C, I'm looking forward to your updates!

So today, I watched Luke's softball game. Luke is my officemate. He's a sports guy. He plays football and broom ball. He doesn't play softball often. But he's in this cool intramural team called 'McLovin' who wore red today. The opponents were wearing blue. It was sad blue topped red. And Luke did not get playing much during the game. I was not a good cheerer. When the game went not well and Luke was a bit down, I did not know what words to say, what words to shout out. Better ask him tomorrow.

I had a Frisbee game at 10 in the nearby field so I said goodbye to Luke. My team also wore red in the game. I had two pretty nice catches. But my tosses sucked. My teammates are so awesome that we cheesed them easily and I did not have much remorse about my mistakes.

Other things I did today: finished 2 hws; practiced slack line and it went not very successful; hanged out with sol for a while but he did not return my messages later for some reason; met Kristal and made a plan for the friday night; was visited by bo and probably we're hanging out with kristal on friday night; got a ride from brad's new car; isaac spanked me in facebook, had no idea what it means; had nice talks with kai in facebook. And isaac's birthday's coming next week.
A lot of social things going on.

Conservative

'Hold me like a friend, kiss me like a friend...' I don't know where I first heard this song. It sticks in my mind all the afternoon. Then I searched it in Youtube, and watched this old awesome japanese movie 'fireworks'. It is a simple story about what happened to a school boy on a fireworks day. All the characters are conservative and hold back. It's very asian. Here in us expressing love is simple and open. But back home, it's never that easy.

People there have different ways of showing their emotions and feelings. Especially in schools where strict disciplines are given, heavy study tasks are loaded, intimacy between girls and boys are discouraged and even punished. Rumors are laid on those open kids. Staying away from another gender seems the right thing that should be done. A date is not as important as a friend's invitation, otherwise he/she would be looked down and separated but also envied. It's a very delicate situation.

I recalled my high school years and wondered how I went through those days: those bittersweet tears, those mysterious eye touching, those never-found hints, those second hand rumors, those heart beating waitings, those unwilling refusals, those unsigned love letters, those beeper code words, those whispering by the ear, those walking under the moon, those hidden mails by parents, those lonely afternoons, those and those that would never come back again.

I wanna learn how to love simply and easily now. But it's hard for me. I've been used to the clumsy ways. And I found the poetic rhythm under the slow pace and hidden secrets. From how hard those feeling are hold back, you can guess how strong they're gonna be after they're let out.

Facebook, a fun part of life

It's very addicting to have a facebook account. Recently I check it more often than I check my emails. There are some small applications I click almost everyday.

I like to see new posts on my wall and write on others wall. If I have nothing to say, I will draw graffiti or poke someone, or superpoke, that means a lot of options, like kick, slap, hug, kiss, drunk dial, defenestrate, bite, throw a sheep at, hadouken... and do a lot of other normal or weird things to friends.

Otherwise I can also send some funny stuff to friends, not only birthday balloons or drinks, but also dinosaur eggs, or an under grown money tree, or some very naughty gifts, like 'spank the monkey'(who hell knows why this is a gift).

If I wanna do sth violently, I can use my vampire to attack the others' werewolves or zombies. I also have a karate seisei fighter, who can beat ninjas. If I am bored, I usually click pac man or poker. I also compare my movie tastes, book tastes, music tastes with friends, usually get terrible match though. Sometimes I do personality tests or check out horoscopes. Facebook even has fortune cookies. Maps of places I visited or wanna visit are a sure part of my profile. And I use lol-cats as my mood pics a lot. I have not even mention pics, notes, groups, markets yet.

Every one's profile is different. And you can change it time to time. I add new appilcations my friends add, try for several days, then delete or keep. I have not been tired of the thousands of applications yet.

Baseball & food

Ex came over and we had a fun weekend. We went to the metrodome and watched a baseball game: Twins vs Chicago white sox.

Before the game, I heard Twins was keeping winning recently. But this game seemed an anti peak. Twins really sucked on Saturday. The pitcher even got hit in the ass once--he threw the ball, and the batter hit it, then the pitcher made a bad judgment of the speed of the ball. He thought the ball went fast and turned over to see where the ball went. But the ball hit him right in the ass and 2 players in the bases went forward one base and scored thereafter.

The final score is 3 to 8. There were five noisy white sox fans sitting right behind us. They kept shouting and cheering all the time. Most of the audience were from cities and therefore were fans of Twins. Im a supporter of Twins too. We were so annoyed by those five wack men and wanna shout back. But Twins just did not give us the chance to cheer out loudly.
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We checked out an Asian restaurant in Nicollet St called Evergreen. They had good appetizers: pig ears, pork blood soup, flower tofu. Bamboo pork is so so. Fried squid is not recommended.

Back to duluth, we went to two harbors and bought some smoked fish by road. Smoked trout is pretty tasty. Salmon is ok.

We then checked out the new restaurant Hell's Kitchen in canal park. The decoration is red and dark, like a Halloween scary scene. But the waiters were too nice. I tried chicken-in-a-pot, it's a soup in bread bowl, looks cute and tastes yummy. Their steak and ribs were so welcome that they were out of order that night. They have a wonderful breakfast menu. I definitely wanna go back and try again.
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By the way, it's not a rebound. We just had fun.

Change

I changed a lot recently. I used to be a silent and isolated foreign student. Now I dived into social life and sports. The changes began during the summer.
When I was stressed out by the school and job hunting, I thought I was ripped off the right to have fun. I thought I had a responsibility to be success-- to get into a good school or find a good job. Since I failed, I should be guilty and shameful. I should have no right to be happy. This kind of thoughts were like gray clouds floating over my head.
How wrong I was! Why I let smiles went away from my face? Why I put myself into a mental jail? Those thought--the fear to fail--did not help me but impede my free thoughts. I was cheated by my eyes and could not see the unlimited possibilities I have. I am a bright, beautiful and smart girl. I can go anywhere I wanna go, I can do whatever can be done. And I am the one who can define myself.

Rain

I went down to the cities today to take the SAS base programming certification test again. The sky was dark. I walked out of the greyhound bus stop, with half bag of take-out from taco johns as my lunch, worrying about the coming rain. Luckily it did not rain when I was walking 10 blocks to the lightrail, and when I was waiting for the transfer bus coming, and when I was searching the test center. It finally rained cats and dogs when I was having supper in a Chinese restaurant with a passing score report in my bag.

I was contented and watched the rain leisurely. Rainy days can be very annoying. If your umbrella goes up and water comes in, or cars run by and splash, or for girls a white shirt or skirt becomes translucent. Rain can also be enjoyable. It rushes dirty away, freshes the air, and arouses some nostalgia. I remember it kept knocking my windows like an old friend when I was in blue. I remember it created fun ponds for the kids to jump in. I also remember being sent an umbrella during a rainy day means you're cared about by someone.

Some promises are about rains, some dreams are about rains, some hopes like rainbows are hidden in the rains. Diamonds-look, tears-look water drops were falling down, falling into my memories.