Conservative

'Hold me like a friend, kiss me like a friend...' I don't know where I first heard this song. It sticks in my mind all the afternoon. Then I searched it in Youtube, and watched this old awesome japanese movie 'fireworks'. It is a simple story about what happened to a school boy on a fireworks day. All the characters are conservative and hold back. It's very asian. Here in us expressing love is simple and open. But back home, it's never that easy.

People there have different ways of showing their emotions and feelings. Especially in schools where strict disciplines are given, heavy study tasks are loaded, intimacy between girls and boys are discouraged and even punished. Rumors are laid on those open kids. Staying away from another gender seems the right thing that should be done. A date is not as important as a friend's invitation, otherwise he/she would be looked down and separated but also envied. It's a very delicate situation.

I recalled my high school years and wondered how I went through those days: those bittersweet tears, those mysterious eye touching, those never-found hints, those second hand rumors, those heart beating waitings, those unwilling refusals, those unsigned love letters, those beeper code words, those whispering by the ear, those walking under the moon, those hidden mails by parents, those lonely afternoons, those and those that would never come back again.

I wanna learn how to love simply and easily now. But it's hard for me. I've been used to the clumsy ways. And I found the poetic rhythm under the slow pace and hidden secrets. From how hard those feeling are hold back, you can guess how strong they're gonna be after they're let out.