I've been here for 2 years. I came to US to get a Master degree in math&statistics, and hopefully could get into some PhD programs after this. But my applications to the graduate schools were not that successful. I applied 10 schools this year, and got 2 admissions without support. The tuition is a big amount. I am searching support and looking for jobs right now. I can stay in my current program with support for another semester. After that, I will go to Stony Brook University with support from family(I hope I don't have to do that) if I have not found supports or jobs then.
One of the reason I have not got support is my GRE verbal scores are low. I took the test 3 times, once a year during the summer from 4 years ago except this summer. The average is less than 400. It was painful and became a nightmare. the shadow of failure makes me uneasy. I fear if I don't overcome this, which means I could get a score greater than 500, I will never have confidence in my english. I will do it again. But it will occupy too much time which I am short of.
The other reason is my hesitation. I don't have a clear answer why I go to PhD programs. To stay at US? To be respectable? To have more vocation? Do I really like statistics or math? Will I be successful in this field if I don't like it? Is it worth if I become successful but miserable? Do I want to spend the rest of my youth life in campus? Do I really have the talent to handle the phd program? will I enjoy the life of being a phd student and after? what kind of choices do I have after my graduation? Is it better to find a job right now? Is it possible for me to find a acceptable job? which benefits me better in long term, job or phd program?
To be a phd student also involve other problems as a female student. I will be 28,29 after graduation. Should I find significant someone and marry before that? And fundamentally, what kind of life do I want to have? Does being a phd student in the correct direction of life?
I get lost in these questions, again. I need meditation.
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Dear Ms. W,
Those are all very important questions which you posed and I think that you are on the right track because you do acknowledge that these are questions you will have to figure out.
As the eldest in the group :) all I can offer is that you are young and it is perfectly alright to not be sure about many things. But I see that you are quite adventurous and have an inquisitive mind. SO I trust that you will find answers to your questions along the way.
Just before graduating from my undergrad I was pretty sure I was in the field that I wanted to be in for a long, long time. Except I had no idea what to focus on. Should I be a news reporter? An investigative journalist? A science reporter? A magazine reporter? A lifestyle writer? And because I did not have the luxury of money, I had no choice but to dive right in. I started with NGOs, this led me to a news reporter job. And because I wrote children's books as a hobby, I was invited to become a children's magazine editor. Six years into my editorship, I wanted to take up environmental ed because of all the conservation volunteer work I had been doing.
So don't worry, as long as you strive to do what you like, what you enjoy doing and what is important to you, you're path will find you :)
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